I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
