maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
