im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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