DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
