I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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