She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
