He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
