dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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