Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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