call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
