We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
