Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
