Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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