Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
