I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
