that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
