Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
