Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
