OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
