p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
