ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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