i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
