Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
