Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
