ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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