Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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