i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
