Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
