he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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