you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
