there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
