big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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