Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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