Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
whose parrot is this?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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