Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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