Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I didn't shave. On purpose
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
