I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
