happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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