1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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