i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
