What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
