I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
