did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
