my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
