Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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