My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
