No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
