your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
