I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
