I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
