May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
