just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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