I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
