My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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