Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
