I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
