He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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