Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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