all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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