I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
