I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hippo gnu deer
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
