i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
