I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
